A New Car

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:
Date: Tue, Apr 17, 2012 at 12:16 PM
Subject: S's Car Plan

To: Mom, Dad

Parental Team,

Per our recent conversation regarding finances, debt, future vehicles and other timely matters pertaining to your son's future, I've compiled the following list of ideas as "possible solutions" for my car and financial issues. Before we delve into the list, let's first take a look at the landscape of what we're dealing:

S's Phenomenal Monthly Income Distribution

The below chart accurately reflects where my salary is diverted each month away from my savings account:

Monthly Expenses	Amount
Rent	748.75
Cable	28
Electric	25
Credit Cards	300
Car Insurance	89
Student Loan	115.15
Cell Phone	89
Gas	150
Food	100
Savings	50
Gym	10
Spending Money	95

TOTAL $1,800.00

The above is based on my fluctuating monthly salary. I make roughly $900 bi-weekly after tax, benefit and 401k deductions, plus or minus about $50 dollars, depending on the week. Some weeks it's $850, other weeks it's closer to $950/$970. On low weeks, I have to tap into that $50 dollars of monthly savings to avoid using my credit cards.

Dad said, no matter what your situation is in life, you always have options - some more realistic than others. With that said, here are my options for acquiring the funds for a new car:

-Sell drugs

-Sell myself

-Steal a car, change the license plates and get a new paint job

-Get a second job working at Subway on the weekends

-Get a second job working at Subway after work and on the weekends

-Fake my death and capitalize on the funds from my life insurance plan (funds will be sent to you both, so you'll have to help me)

-Work out a payment plan with you both (it would be monthly) if I were to borrow funds from you to purchase a car

-Start Steve's Car Fund, a donation service to help college graduates who have high living expenses and low incomes

-Offer to drive others to work in return for them letting me take their car to work

-Take out a bank loan

-Get a bike and say FUCK YOU to paying gas and other related car expenses

-Sell a screenplay (ideal)

-Win Mega Millions (dollar and a dream baby!!!)

-Inherit a couple G's from an "Uncle" or someone else that is "connected"

-Roller blades?

-Stop driving and start run/walking everywhere. I'll also eliminate my gym expense!

Let me know which of the above ideas sound most feasible and we'll discuss next steps.

Love,

S